Midnight Musings
by Kneoria
Summary: Throughout the course of his life, New Years has never been terribly good time for Ace and he is surprised to realize that for once this year may be different.


**Title:** Midnight Musings

 **Summary** **:** Throughout the course of his life, New Years has never been terribly good time for Ace and he is surprised to realize that for once this year may be different.

 **Beta:** Ktwontwo. Her works are amazing and Im ever so thankful to her as she is always willing to beta my stories despite more often than not shes not part of the fandom that Im in. But then, I feed her plot bunnies so i suppose we are even.

 **Pairings:** None/Canon

 **Warnings:** Ace's issues with his birthday are the focus of the story here so anything associated with that. Also, possible out of character moments and mentions of alcohol.

 **Disclaimer:** None of these characters are mine. I simply like to play with them for my and your amusement.

 **Author's Note:** So I have this headcanon that through the actions of Sabo and Luffy Ace doesn't quite hate his birthday as much as he did and has reached a point where he doesn't quite know what to feel about it. Instead he chooses to act as if its just another day. So this thought came to me last night and I figured, hey why not and now you all have a drabble.

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Midnight Musings

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When one joined the Whitebeard Pirates there were several things that a person learned very quickly: One - don't mess with Pop's alcohol; Two - the medical staff's word was law no matter how you felt; and Three - any and every excuse should be taken to have a party. Holidays, birthdays, allies visiting, victory in battle, anything and everything would be taken as an excuse for revelry. New Year's of course was an extra special reason to party. The resulting cacophony that came from his brothers celebrating the fact that they had survived again, especially when it was for a whole year was usually a sure fire mood lifter. Normally Ace would have joined them, laughing, dancing, and just soaking up the good cheer but not today. Today it was just too much.

This was the reason that he had found himself leaning against the railing on a corner of the deck and staring at the night blackened sea rather than joining his brothers in their attempted debauchery. Ace sighed as he sipped from the bottle in his hand and gazed out into the star speckled sky. Remarkably for a Grand Line winter the sky was clear offering a brilliant view and the sea was calm. His face was expressionless as he took another pull from the bottle absently wondering why he had even bothered to snag one. It wasn't like he could get drunk. On the other hand the taste was pleasant enough; something with almonds, chocolate and of course rum.

Even the gorgeous night view and the pleasant taste couldn't distract Ace from the thoughts that were always present at the back of his mind. The ones that he normally stuffed down and locked away. The thoughts that he rarely managed to escape entirely on a normal day and never, ever on this day.

Another year had come and gone and once again he was one year older. Frankly he didn't quite know how to feel about it. He never did. What was he supposed to feel? As a child he had hated the date and had usually spent the day hidden away from everyone cursing his own existence. His brothers had somehow managed to put a stop to that, though he could never quite muster up the excitement that he knew he was supposed to feel. The best he could ever get was some variant of apathy.

A presence registered on the edge of his senses but Ace refused to acknowledge it. It was undoubtedly one of his siblings come to attempt to entice him into joining the party. That wouldn't be happening if Ace had anything to say about it. Partying would not even be marginally tolerable right now. Instead he was feeling rather morose and melancholic. There was no way he would be able to participate in any meaningful way and it wasn't fair on his brothers to pull the mood down with him.

"Ace?" came a voice from behind him and Ace glanced over his shoulder to see who had decided to bother him. The fact that the person had actually addressed him by name demanded that he at least do that. To his surprise Marco stood there, lit from behind by the light of the party on the main deck. There was no way to tell what Marco wanted at the moment, as his usual sleepy expression was fixed upon his face.

"Hey." Ace said after a long moment of silence.

"Hey, yourself." Marco said, taking the response as invitation to join him at the railing. Surprisingly, despite his mood Ace found that he didn't mind. Marco was good company under any circumstance. They leaned, backs against the railing in silence for a while Marco watching the party and Ace watched Marco attempting to figure out why the hell he was here. After a minute Ace decided that he didn't care, turned his back on the revelers and returned his attention to the sea and sky.

He couldn't say how much time passed like that, in a companionable silence before Marco spoke again. "What are you drinking?"

"Dunno." Ace said as he passed over the bottle and Marco took a swig.

" 'S good."

"Mmmhmm."

The silence returned again though now they were splitting the bottle. This silence didn't last as long as the first had.

"What are you doing over here by yourself?" Marco asked "Normally you're in the center of that" he said gesturing to the group of merrymakers that were still going strong despite the hour.

Ace shrugged. "Didnt feel like it."

"Ah." Marco said but didn't push. For that reason Ace decided, he could open up a little more.

"I'm just thinking."

If Marco was surprised that Ace had decided to continue the conversation he gave no inclination of such. "Heavy thoughts?" he inquired instead.

"Suppose so" Ace said.

"Such as?"

Ace was silent for a moment. How much was he willing to trust the other man? Sure he had officially been a member of the Whitebeard Pirates for a few months now but truthfully he was still getting used to having a family, especially one this large. He wasn't quite ready to trust them with everything yet, especially not… Ace frowned as he pushed the thought from his mind. Today was bad enough without remembering that detail.

He was still attempting to figure out what to say in response to Marco's question when the man himself interrupted his thoughts "You know, you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want."

Ace shook his head. Marco clearly was concerned about him but wasn't going to push if Ace didn't feel like talking. It was nice.

"Today marks the day that I first set out, you know." He said randomly

Marco raised an eyebrow. "I hadn't actually. You got your first bounty in what, March? You must have been busy."

Ace laughed, though it came out as dry and bitter thing that just lay on the deck rather than uplifting into the night air. "I was. And so much has happened since then. I'm just trying to figure out if it was a good thing, seeing as I honestly never thought I'd make it this far."

"Beg pardon?" Marco asked.

Ace turned his face slightly to hide his wince. That had just slipped out, he certainly hadn't intended for it to nor for it to sound so tired once it had. Unfortunately now that it had been said, it couldn't been unsaid. Ace wouldn't deny the truth of the statement or offer to clarify either though he knew that he probably should. Instead he resumed the process that he had started earlier, of going over the major things that had happened since he had first set sail, attempting to figure out if they were good or not. It was the best way to identify regrets and let them go, for he had promised once to never have any. It was the only New Year's tradition that he had and the only one he would ever keep.

"Ace," Marco said and Ace didn't need to look to know that he had Marco's full attention now. It was evident through the weight of his gaze and the concern in his tone. "Are you alright?"

"Mmm" Ace pondered that for a moment going through his year one more time. It had been full of ups and downs but through it all he had persevered. Now he was here with his family partying in the distance and a sibling who had cared enough to leave it in order to keep him company and make sure he was fine. Ace was shocked to realize that he was comfortable. Not comfortable enough to join in the party or to share the fact that it was his birthday.

He prodded that comfortable feeling wondering when exactly it had started and with some surprise came to the conclusion that it had come over him once Marco had joined him.

"You know what, Marco?" Ace said the surprise and joy changing the flat tone that he'd been speaking in into something more akin to how he normally sounded. "I think I am. For the first time in a while, I think I'm ok."

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 **AN:** Hey look, I actually managed to write something without including the entire cast. I feel slightly accomplished. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy it. Many Happy Returns Portgas. D. Ace and a very happy new year to all of you who stumble across this drabble of mine.


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